Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
