I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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