I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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