my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
