oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
