I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
