Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
