My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
