I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
