He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
