Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We got so high we made milksteak
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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