I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
