Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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