is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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