I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
