How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
