You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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