i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
