this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
