Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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