If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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