OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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