Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
