so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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