Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
