Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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