have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
