Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
