Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
