Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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