I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
