So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
