VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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