im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
