Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
