Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
