VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
