We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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