yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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