Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
