he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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