He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
