Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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