I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
