I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
