part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
