I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
