i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
