how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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