I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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