OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
